Tuesday, August 20, 2013

A Goddess' Presence

 "I have too many fantasies to be a housewife"

   I actually stuck by that quote for a while, in my earlier twenties. (Not that that wasn't long ago... I just turned 28 in June). I imagined having a home and a career. My intent was to eventually make it to graduate school for Veterinary Medicine and run my own clinic. My mom was a homemaker all my life and while I saw nothing wrong with it, I just knew it wasn't for me.

   Fast forward 10 years later and I've worked no more than 6 months in the past three years since having both my girls. I couldn't afford graduate school so I tried community college and online classwork but got pregnant and couldn't finish. I now stay at home daily taking care of our daughters and trying to make our dated apartment into a home.

   But tonight, standing in our kitchen as I started making dinner, I realized I suddenly felt in my element. Where before I could run a graveyard shift of 3 people plus myself while juggling registers, drunks and gas pumps (I worked at a gas station for 3 years), I could now pick up the house, clean the kitchen, prep bottles, keep an eye on both girls as they played together while cooking dinner and getting rid of the dishes. Before, I ran on someone else's schedule and now I'm *sortakindanotreallybecauseofthekids* on my own time. I take care of them while taking care of the house, I run my own Etsy shop and have several craft fairs coming up. I've made some decent starting revenue this year and picked up some more business.

I stood there, chopping lettuce, and felt a wave of calm and at peace. For months now, I've been feeling like I've lost myself and life would never be more than the daily in and out of dishes, laundry, kids and meals.

     I glanced to my left and saw the image of Brigid and the Blessing of Gratitude frame I had made for a kitchen altar about 2 years ago:

   I believe now, in hindsight, that it may have been Brigid's presence that I felt while in our kitchen. It was immediate - I grabbed the frame lit the candle I keep on the stove, grabbed my fireproof cauldron and set up a quick, impromptu kitchen altar right in the middle of cooking.  (Vanilla Caramel because it smells like Fall and I can't wait for the seasons to change!)
   I recited the Blessing of Gratitude I had printed on the image, dropped in an offering of lettuce from what I was cutting, and continued on with dinner. Soon after the feeling diminished somewhat, as the baby started crying and the toddler came running, but for a while, I was a domestic Goddess and I felt more empowered than I have ever felt in the role of a mother, wife, homemaker, shop owner and last, but mostly importantly, a w.o.m.a.n.
   May you all feel this light, man or woman, and embrace your path. Slainte!

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